Facts of Life
by Jitalatique
Summary: Hotohori and Chiriko have a talk about the facts of life, and Chiriko knows a lot more than he lets on! Sequel coming.. someday.


The small boy was looking over some papers. His size was especially small compared to the man sitting across from him. The two were working on court business and such, but mostly on renewing Hotohori's playboy subscriptions. Chiriko didn't know what they were, so it really didn't matter. Hotohori looked up and smiled at the boy. Chiriko was so sweet in helping him do all of this. But he looked troubled.

  
"What's wrong, little Chiriko?" He asked, and Chiriko looked startled. He realized it was only Hotohori and not any crazy *cough* concubines.

  
"Hotohori-sama, what did Chichiri-san and Tasuki-san mean when they said they were going out back to research eachother?"

  
Now it was Hotohori's turn to look startled. "What are you talking about, Chiriko?"

  
"Did I say something wrong, Hotohori-sama?"

  
"No, no, of course not."

  
A few minutes passed before Hotohori noticed Chiriko was still looking at him.

  
"Well?" The boy asked.

  
"Chiriko, you don't know about the birds and the bees?"

  
"Of course I know about them, Hotohori-sama! Bees are-"

  
"No, no, not those bees. Chiriko-chan, I'm going to be blunt, what do you know about sex?"

  
"Well, there's a male, and there's a female." He said proudly.

  
"Yes?" Hotohori prompted.

  
"That's it!" Chiriko said. "The human sexes are male and female." Hotohori sweatdropped.

  
"Okay, Chiriko, don't tell me your mother never had The Talk with you."

  
"Okay."

  
Several seconds of silence passed. It grew to be pretty obvious that his mother hadn't, and that he didn't want to go against Hotohori's wishes to say it.  
"Looks like I'll have to do it." Hotohori got up and locked all of the doors. He shut the windows, told the guards to piss off, and sat back down. "Chiriko, you know the little thing you use when you weewee?"

****

  
"You mean my penis, which I use to urinate? It's not so little, Hotohori-sama." Chiriko said innocently. Hotohori turned a lovely shade of green.

  
Hotohori realized Chiriko would probably know all of the correct terms, so he himself should use them. "Well, when a man loves a woman, Chiriko, he usually asks her for a little something to show her gratitude. After all, it IS an honor for a man to love a woman."

  
"Aren't the sexes equal?"

  
"Who told you that shit?"

  
"Tamahome-san did, Hotohori-sama!"

  
"He's full of shit and I hope he rots in Hell. Men are the supreme rulers and you should stick to that, Chiriko."

  
"Hai, Hotohori-sama. Now, what were you saying about my penis?"

  
"Well, okay, Chiriko. Have you ever spied on women in the hot springs?"

  
"No, that's wrong, Hotohori-sama!"

  
"What? How is spying on women in a hot spring wrong?"

  
"I don't know, Mitsukake-san said it was!"

  
"What? And I thought Mitsukake was a good influence on you! What was he doing when he said that?"

  
"He was looking through a crack in the fence-"

  
"My point exactly. Well, have you ever seen a woman naked?"

  
"I saw Miaka!"

  
"I said a woman, Chiriko. Not Miaka. She's a different story."

  
"No, then, Hotohori-sama."

  
"Oh, you poor thing. Well, you've seen diagrams or something in your studies, right?"

  
"Hai, Hotohori-sama."

  
"Well, the woman has a va.. a va... it's called a vaaaaa-" Crimson blood shot from his nose, and he quickly covered it with his large sleeve and tilted his head back.

  
"A vagina, Hotohori-sama? Why is your nose bleeding?"

  
"Chiriko, have you ever seen a pretty person that made you happy by looking at them?"

  
"Nuriko!"

  
"A woman, Chiriko."

  
"Well, Hotohori-sama, one of the concubines, then?"

  
"Okay, and did you feel a tingling in-" More blood came forth from his nose, his sleeve got so soaked blood dripped from it like Niagra Falls.

  
"Hotohori-sama, should I call Mitsukake?"

  
"Do, do, I'b fide."

  
"Are you sure?"

  
"Hai, hai. Chidiko, I cat exbain do you wiff words.."

  
Hotohori's nose finally stopped bleeding, and he took his sleeve away. He sort of held it out over the side of his throne so that it wouldn't get on the rest of his robes and such.

  
"Oh, well, do you need to show me, Hotohori-sama?" Chiriko pulled down his pants and stood there proudly. "You can just show me instead of telling me!"

  
Blood was everywhere, now. Hotohori lost so much that he passed out. When he woke, all of the seishi were around his bed.

  
"Well, Chiriko-chan, looks like you did it!" Tasuki was saying, slapping the boy on the back. Chiriko leaned over Hotohori and felt his head.

  
"How much do I owe no da?" Chichiri asked, pulling money out of his kasa and looking annoyed. "This is bullshit no da. How was I supposed to know he could do it no da?"

  
"Hey, look, Chichiri, you better pay up right now!" Tamahome was threatening him with a snarl.

  
"Shut up, baka! This was fixed, I tell you!" Nuriko was pulling money out of the folds of his dress and looking pissed.

  
"...I knew he'd do it..." Mitsukake said proudly.

  
"What happened?" Groaned Hotohori. He felt like he should remember, and that he'd been out for hours. Chiriko grinned not-so-innocently.

  
"It's 10:00, Hotohori-sama. Do you know where your virginity is?"

I should probably apologize for this.. Even though I wouldn't mean a word of it. AHAHAHA!! Come on, I just turned fourteen when I wrote this gem. Now that I'm sixteen you can only imagine what I write in my spare time. ^_^;;


End file.
